Eggs and Eggshells

Today is the second workday after my friend and co-worker got let go (Friday). It was an insane day. I was sick all day that day. Couldn't eat, couldn't concentrate. I have trouble with the latter anyway. It's especially hard because I'm also friends with his GF who still works here. She was so upset for obvious reasons, and the mood around here was so weird. To be honest, we work in the field sometimes. If they hadn't removed his name plate from the door, it would totally feel like he's just out and will be in soon. But he won't. Aside from the fact that he's my friend, from a co-worker stand point, I'm FREAKIN' worried. I've always viewed us as being in similar situations. Not really having a niche here, not being seen as the "superstar" worker as we have always been seen at other jobs. So, selfishly, I can't help but worry about my own stability and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with this job more than ever...

...that brings us to the eggs. I confirmed O today on FF. That's right. Got me some mighty fine CHs. My charts looking good. I'm no doc, but things appear to be pretty normal on the hormone front. But, I'm not too confident with this cycle. A couple things weren't ideal, and as far as timing goes, I only got a "good" reading. So, it's not for sure, but it's not impossible. The evening that would have been prime was the evening that my friend got fired. I broke down to DH and appologized in advance for him possibly having to drop out of some classes and go full time at work...he was totally supportive, and obviously up to do whatever ended up needing to happen. But, then I started thinking about medical coverage, and being pg. I think that put a damper on my TTC efforts because part of me felt irresponsible. I mean anyone could lose there job at anytime, and unless you know you're going to get laid off, what are you supposed to do? I'm the one with the medical coverage, and if DH went FT at his job, he would be subject to a 90 day waiting period before benefits would kick in anyway.

I guess in a way it's kind of nice, not wanting it so badly. I want to be pg, but I also believe that life is a mixture of fate and hard work. So, I have the "it will happen when it's meant to happen" approach to TTC this cycle. DH and I believe in ourselves, that we can figure things out and get through anything that's thrown our way. We're going to keep trying, and working, but we're not totally in control of variables such as work and the economy. We can't put life on hold just because we're not fortune tellers.